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This restriction is tough, but I am losing weight.

Yesterday was interesting because I had trouble drinking a slim fast in the morning.  Really need more warm liquid!  Had some soup for lunch, and heading out to see the puppies.  Ended up bringing home a dog.  Okay, she is under a year old.

I stopped at my absolute favorite — Krystal's — southern White Castle, worked there as a teen for a while — got two burgers and an order of fries.  Took me a good hour to eat the burgers, and ate about 5 fries and lots of catsup.  Good to get reminded of the taste.  Finally had diet gourmet dinner late, but that's the last time in a long time that I eat that dinner.  I was even having trouble heating it up as I have had some much trouble with it.  Not enough sauce, I think.

It's been a process for me.  I use food for a lot of things, and do some binging especially when things are not going well.  I can still binge with the lap band, but I have to do it differently and it does end up being lower calorie foods.

Baby steps — and learning.

This is the second (maybe third …) year I’ve managed to really come out good with the charges for my mental health care.

I’m not sure how it works, but apparently we pay 20%/80% until we meet our out of pocket, then the health care is no charge.

I’ve met my out of pocket.

I’ve been authorized for 10 visits, which get me past all this mess.

So, I got 6 visits free through the Employee Assistance plan and then 10 visits free with the regular insurance.

Not bad.

Plus got a new CPAP out of the deal.  Which reminds me that I need to check on my mask status.  I think I might be due a new one.

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And yes, I am and they will be shipping it on Monday after they check my benefits.

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The biggest reason I’m seeing a mental health professional is to learn how to deal with my co-workers in a way other than coming home and eating all evening.

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Examples: 

Special ed coworker keeps doing little things that stress me and my principal out.  I’m trying hard to make sure I’m not part of that issue and keeping control of the situation.  Can say much more but the whole situation may wind someone in court.  Maybe even me. 

Testing this week.  Way too many instructions to keep them all straight and every day I’ve made a minor mistake   Like today didn’t have the kids names, student ids, and test booklet numbers on a form.  Yesterday didn’t have the test booklet numbers on the answer sheets.

Found out today that I have to do an extra week of training – first week of June, and I can almost guarantee it will be a waste of time, as they are having the PreAP CS teacher in PreAP Math sessions.  Also over the last two days, I’ve been told I can’t do my AP training which I haven’t done in three years and they’ve done major revisions on the test and I have 4 students working on AP.

Being told portables had been broken into and computers stolen.  No emails, no specifics, just a heads up.  That means major paperwork, but okay.

Little things that add up.

Good news, it’s been months since an adult had a temper tantrum in my room (well, I might have had one in front of my 8th period class when they were acting up last).

I’m on my first day of mushies — had Tom Thumb Broccoli and Cheese soup and it was very good. 

I am definitely feeling more restriction, and I’m a touch worried that it might be too much restriction, but I won’t know until Wednesday evening.

Anxious to lose more weight though.

I go to mushies after 4:00 pm today.

I’ve done better on this round of liquids after a fill, precisely because I have been very careful to make sure I have liquids available and going down my throat every minute.  Helps the hunger though I think this fill is helping too.

Forgot that I wanted to say more about this fill.  I had a fill back in December of 1 cc.  I got in the middle of a stress festival and wasn’t able to eat, even having trouble getting liquids down.  I had an unfill of half, or 1/2 cc.

I was afraid the tech would want to go to a full full of 1cc.  I wanted to go to a fill of 1/2 cc.  Funny thing, is that she was thinking of going to .4 cc  and was relieved that I was happy with the 1/2 cc. 

I have gained two pounds since the un-fill – which the fill tech said wasn’t bad. 

I’ve done 24 hours of liquids, have another 24 hours to go. Living on popsicles, soup and slim-fast.  Do feel like I have a decent restriction again.  I’ve been starving every afternoon.

Watched Celebrity Apprentice last night — by the way, the guys didn’t win.  Goldberg left without earning money for his charity.

The best news though is that Bret Michaels has ended speculation about his daughter’s medical condition without broaching her privacy.  In other words, he said that they had got the tests back but he didn’t give out a diagnosis.

By the way, I thought it was really funny that Michaels was giving advice on how to be interviewed, since he comes out as such a doofus anytime he is interviewed.

Hotel reservation made (non-refundable) – food order from Diet Gourmet is made – which is on the way to the hotel from the trial site.

So I need to get a sub, concentrate on rebuilding my body from the lack of sleep, and get ready for the trial.

Going to bed now would be a good idea….

Didn’t go to bed as early as I would have liked – I think I was avoiding dealing with my office, which I am still avoiding, but have got some of it fixed ….

But physically and mentally I am feeling much better.  Am hoping to get back on track on the sleep thing.

I have been experiencing a lot of physical hunger, which should get fixed by the fill I am scheduled for on Friday.

My next major decision to make is what do I do about the next agility trial.  Right now, I have a hotel room and I have entries in.  I am thinking of heading for Fort Worth on Thursday evening, staying there, running FAST and regular classes.  Just taking my time and relaxing during the trial and not rushing back and forth every day.

I can cancel my FAST entries and my Friday entry and drive over for two classes, or I can take a mini-dog agility holiday.  I’m thinking the mini-holiday is a good idea.  Good news!  Diet Gourmet’s pickup place is halfway between the hotel and the Dog Show.  My plan would be to run FAST Friday morning, pick up food, and relax in the hotel room until time for the show.

Haven’t been able to sleep since spring break.  The good news is that the problems that were interrupting my sleep have been resolved to my satisfaction.

I got to bed before 10:30, woke up at 6:15 having to go to the bathroom, went back to bed, woke up with an 7:00 am alarm, rolled over and went back to sleep and got up at 8:00.  I feel a lot better.  Hopefully I can get the rest of the sleep problems resolved.

I braved the scales and I am losing the same 5 pounds again. 

I have a fill scheduled for next Friday since I have been having trouble with feeling hungry — real hungry.

Stress level is down but I still am not sleeping.

See the mental health care worker tonight and I am planning on focusing why I hang onto this 5 pounds.